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How to Navigate Life as a Newly Single Mom

When you begin life as a single mom, it can feel very overwhelming. You’re worried about your kids, you’re taking on new roles in the household, perhaps you need to navigate a move and settling into a new home. You feel completely turned upside down and wonder “How will I ever get through this?!”

I have been a single mom for close to 10 years now, and when I began the divorce process my kids were both under the age of 3. No longer having someone to shoulder all the responsibilities with — from taking care of the kids to handling finances to running a household — I had to create a whole new way of living.

As a Chicago life coach specializing in supporting individuals through life transitions, including those who have experienced narcissistic abuse, I understand the unique journey that single moms face. In this blog, we will explore practical strategies and insights that helped me the most on my single mom journey. Hopefully, these tips will help you navigate this new chapter with resilience and strength. For extra support in your journey, reach out to me today.

Tips From a Trusted Chicago Life Coach

1. Accept That This Is Going to Be a Tough Season: There is no way of tiptoeing around it, transitioning into single mom life is not easy. It is normal to have feelings of overwhelm, grief, sadness (even if you wanted the divorce), loneliness, fear, and anger. I had a magnet in my medicine cabinet while I was going through my divorce that said, “If you’re going through Hell, keep going”. For me, this acknowledged that what I was going through was awful, but it wasn’t always going to be this way. If I kept going and put one foot in front of the other, I would get through it. And I did and came out better and stronger having lived through that experience, and so will YOU!

2. Do All The ‘Things’ While the Kids Are at Dads: Your number one concern and priority during this time will be your kids, and you will struggle to calm your nervous system if you feel like you are constantly trying to keep up with chores, bills and cooking when they are with you — opposed to spending your time focusing on them and making sure they are okay.

Preparing meals can be one of the most time-consuming things we have on our plate, so what helped me a lot, and still does to this day, is blocking a window of time each week to plan meals for the week ahead and prep those meals as much as possible. Then, all that is left to do is heat up food and get it on the table. Also, make larger batches of food so you can freeze portions for another time and your meal prep days become easier. And remember, cereal for dinner sometimes is totally acceptable and your kids will think it’s the coolest thing ever! Try portioning out snacks for school and lunches so you aren’t doing this every day of the week.

3. Create Routine and Structure for Your Kids: Kids thrive knowing what each day brings, so try to build structure into your days as much as possible. It can also be confusing for them if they are going back and forth frequently between households. Consider getting a calendar you can post in the house with the parenting schedule and their activities. Something that also helped my kids was referring to how long they had until they went to their dad’s house in ‘Sleeps’, for example, “You will see dad in 3 sleeps.”

4. Incorporate Self-Care into Your Week: We all know what self-care is and we know we need to do it, but sometimes actually taking the time for ourselves can be very difficult. Make sure you schedule at least one hour each week for you and only you. This could be anything from taking a walk in nature or getting a massage to taking a hot bath with a glass of wine on Friday nights or setting up an appointment with a trauma recovery coach. Also, doing the basics of eating well and getting enough sleep is a must. Fill up your cup so you can show up for your children!

5. SIMPLIFY Your Life: Perhaps one of the important things on this list is finding a way to simplify and streamline things for yourself. Here are a few things that worked well for me:

  • Set bills to autopay if they aren’t already.

  • Schedule designated meal prep time each week (See Tip #2).

  • Set up carpooling with other parents for kid’s activities.

  • Have your groceries delivered.

  • Buy in bulk to reduce trips to the grocery store.

  • Hire out as much as possible (lawn care, house cleaning, etc.).

  • Learn boundary setting and get comfortable saying no. Your time is a precious commodity, so if you are not a fully embodied “Hell Yes!” to something, then it’s a big fat “No”!

6. Examine Your Finances: Money can be one of the biggest stressors when you make this transition, so take some time to look at your spending over the last 6-12 months. This exercise can be very eye-opening, and you will find plenty of things that can be cut out of your budget to make room for other things (hello, house cleaning service!). Once you have a good idea of your spending, make a budget and check in on it periodically.

7. Build Your Support System and Get Comfortable Asking for Help: To thrive as a single mom, you will need a solid support system in place. Find people who you feel comfortable with having your kids when you need help, and don’t be afraid to ask for it (family, friends, neighbors). Consider finding a single mom support group, where you can make friends with other women who understand your struggles and may even want to exchange help with you from time to time. Get into therapy, counseling ,or find a coach to help support you during this time. Find a reasonably priced babysitter in the area who can give you a sanity break when you need it or can watch the kids when you need to quickly run an errand.

8. Try Out Life Coaching or Consulting: A Chicago narcissistic abuse life coach can provide you with personalized guidance, emotional support, and practical strategies to navigate this transition. Life coaching can help you set clear goals, overcome limiting beliefs, and cultivate a positive mindset as you navigate the challenges of single motherhood.

9. For the Love of God, Stay off the Dating Apps: I know, you probably don’t want to hear this. I know I didn’t. You may feel ready to date once your new life begins, and your excitement over finding a partner that you click with is through the roof! Give yourself time to heal and discover what you want (and don’t want) out of life and a partner before you start dating. Be okay with being by yourself. Get comfortable with it. There is no right or set amount of time that you should wait, but at a minimum, you should have the above taken care of before you start down that path.

Navigating life as a newly single mom is a journey that requires strength, resilience, and self-compassion. As a Chicago narcissistic abuse life coach, I am here to support you in this transition and help you cultivate a life filled with empowerment and positivity. If you're seeking personalized guidance and strategies to thrive as a single mom, schedule a consultation with me today. Remember, you are capable of creating a fulfilling and joyful life for yourself and your children. Onwards, momma!