Divorce is a challenging and emotionally charged process for any couple to go through. One of the most common concerns for parents contemplating divorce is the potential impact it may have on their children. It's natural to worry about how the dissolution of a marriage might affect their well-being, happiness, and future prospects. However, it's important to dispel the myth that divorce will inevitably destroy children. In fact, with understanding, support, and effective co-parenting, children can navigate this difficult transition and even thrive in the face of adversity. At My Coach Susie, I provide life coaching for every stage of the healing process, including guidance and support throughout the divorce process. Read on to learn more, and contact me to discover your path toward healing today.
Worried That Divorce Will Destroy Your Children? Read This.
I had a proud momma moment a couple of weeks ago that gave me pause to reflect on how the way we approach life as single moms can have an impact on our kids.
For some time now, my daughter has been asking to play football. She loves to run and throw the ball and is overall very athletic. So, I went off and signed her up for spring touch football with the same club her brother plays for. With it not being tackle football, I thought surely there would be other girls on the team. Boy (pun intended), was I wrong! We showed up to player evaluations, and my 11-year-old daughter was the ONLY girl out of about 70 boys. I sat in the stands and held my breath, wondering if she would go through with it, but I quickly realized she wasn’t fazed. Not one bit. She hustled and ran plays and totally crushed it, while the boys gave her the cold shoulder and barely uttered a word to her the entire time. Damn…I was proud. And by no means am I taking credit for her bravery that day, but it did make me wonder if things would have gone this way if she was growing up in a ‘traditional’ family dynamic.
I felt compelled to share this because one of the biggest concerns I hear from women who are considering divorce is what potential negative impact it will have on their kids. And it is a very valid concern. Divorce is HARD, and kids will be impacted, but with the proper support they will get through it, and they will be ok. But you know what isn’t talked about enough? All the positive things that can come from kids seeing their parent in a solo role. What if we flipped the script for once?
When you become a single parent, you naturally take on new roles, and your kids get to see you in a different light that perhaps they wouldn’t have otherwise seen you in (or maybe what they see is more magnified than if you had remained married). Their little eyes are watching to see how you handle things, so don’t miss out on this opportunity.
Here are the top things I believe you can strongly model for your kids as a single mom and impact their lives in a very positive way:
Resilience & Strength.
We can’t protect or shield our kids from hardship. It is just a matter of time before they encounter that in life. What better way to model for them how to handle ourselves in challenging times than when we take on a single-parent role? In probably one of THE MOST challenging times of our lives. My son said to me once “Mom, you’re always able to make the best out of bad situations.” Show them that you can go through hard things and life doesn’t have to fall apart. Let them see you grieve and feel all the feelings, and once the emotions are purged, carry on and move forward.
Resourcefulness & Challenging Traditional Gender Roles.
There is no doubt that when you become a single mom, you will have new things to figure out. From unclogging toilets to hanging pictures to taking out the trash and doing yard work, we take on some of the things that traditionally the ‘man of the house’ handles. This is an opportunity to model for your kids that pretty much everything is figure-out-able — no matter what sex you are — if you use your resources (hello Google and YouTube!).
Healthy Independence.
Flying solo as a single mom provides the chance to show them that it is OK to be on your own. In fact, you can really enjoy your time solo! You don’t have to wait for a partner to take that trip, attend that party you want to go to or start a new hobby. On the flip side, you can also show them that it is ok to ask for help when you need it and not be so fiercely independent that you end up exhausting yourself.
So, if the one thing that is holding you back from walking away from a relationship that no longer serves you is the potential negative impact on the kids, I hope this helps give you some confidence that things WILL turn out ok. In fact, they can turn out more than ok and lead to some really amazing things. I’m here to support you throughout the process. So don't wait; reach out to me at My Coach Susie today.
You’ve got this, momma. ♥️